


whoever said we couldn't have it all

by shadesofcool



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Episode Fix-it, Episode Related, Fluff, because it's what they deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 08:46:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17998676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadesofcool/pseuds/shadesofcool
Summary: Michael and Alex go for that ride in episode 3.





	whoever said we couldn't have it all

"You wanna go for a ride?" Michael asked when he saw Alex walking towards him. It had gotten dark, the drive-in emptying out as people left after the celebration. Alex looked around, back at where his father was standing next to another man dressed in uniform, then Michael saw him clench his jaw.

"Yeah." He nodded at him and made his way around the truck, sitting on the passenger side without another word. Then Michael drove into the night.

And here they are now, bodies lying next to each other in the back of the truck, which is standing in a secluded area, not far from the junkyard. Michael gathered up things to support Alex's leg comfortably, a blanket under them keeping the cold surface away.

They're sipping on the last bottle of beer from the pack that Alex brought, in pleasant silence, the stars bright in the sky, moon looking back down on them and Michael hasn't felt this content in a while.

Then again, staring up at his life he's desperate to know, while his other world is not even a reach of an arm away – it's almost overwhelming. He downs the rest of his beer, placing his hand on his stomach, not averting his gaze, like he's too afraid he might miss a sign, something that might give him more answers.

Michael feels Alex's eyes burning a hole into the side of his face and he sees him open and close his mouth a few times from his peripheral, a question lingering in the air.

"What?" He pushes it, voice soft, not turning his head.

Alex replies almost immediately, the doubts of asking it disappearing. "What are you thinking about?"

It's not what Michael expected, though he's not sure what he thought the question would be, but he snorts lightly in surprise, and again with a weak chuckle as Alex nudges his shoulder with his own.

Michael shakes his head, his lips turning down in a grimace then he shrugs, "The Universe." he raises an eyebrow, his eyes focused on the brightest star he can find at the moment. "If the stars know who I am."

He hates how cheesy it probably sounds to a human, Alex must think the last bottle of beer hit him hard, but he's been wondering if anything up there knows him, if they know the real him, not the person he is but what he is supposed to be without the face, if there _is_ a him without the face - because the only thing Michael knows for sure, is that he doesn't know.

"Well, I don't know if the stars are capable of like, knowing things." Alex's voice tunes out his thoughts, and he doesn't sound like he's laughing at him but he expected another answer as much as Michael another question. He turns his head towards him, his eyes soft. "But I do know that if they don't know you," Michael faces him as he continues, "they're really missing out."

Michael looks down at his lips, licking his own with a smirk, "Yeah?"

"Mhm." Alex hums, his eyes following the movement of Michael's tongue.

Michael turns his eyes back to the sky with a grin, a slight breeze cooling the warmth on his cheeks. After a long minute he drops his arm next to Alex's between their bodies and he looks down at them, his head resting against Alex's shoulder as he intertwines their fingers. He feels Alex press a kiss on top of his head.

"One day.." Michael breaks the silence, planting a kiss on Alex's shoulder before he looks at him, waiting for Alex to do the same. He thinks whether he should say it, considering everything that's happening with Liz and Kyle already knowing their, or at least Max's, secret – but he gives in. "I'm going to build a space ship, and just, leave."

He hadn't told anyone, not even sure he can finish building it but he's _trying_ , and Alex will just think of it as mindless dreaming, but it feels good nevertheless. Scary, but good.

Alex exhales loudly through his nose, mouth quirking up at the corners, then nods towards the sky, his jawline sharp in the moonlight. "That far away?"

Michael lifts their clasped hands up to his chest and rests them there, squeezing it gently. "I would bring you with me."

"You would, huh?" Under the teasing tone in his voice there's one other that's more curious and, expectant maybe, and that's the one that matches the look in his eyes as he stares at Michael.

Michael lets go of his hand and pushes up to his elbow, half hovering above Alex. Alex's arm slides between the space of Michael's body and arm, holding onto his back, fingers curling at his waist, making their bodies press closer. Michael runs his hand along Alex's chest, his fingers getting caught in each button on his shirt and he feels Alex looking.

He shuffles a bit when his hand reaches the waist of the pants where his shirt ends, and he slides his hand further down only to stop on his thigh. Alex squirms under his touch before he relaxes again, then he lifts his other hand to cup Michael's jaw. Michael tilts his head and his eyes find Alex's and he lets himself be pulled down into a kiss.

He breaks it before Alex could go in again, though, and shakes his head, eyebrows drawn together slightly. "I'm not letting you go again, Alex."

He doesn't look away and Alex holds his eyes as well, and it's a silent promise he hopes he can keep. A relieved sigh leaves Alex's lungs but there's a deep frown on his face and Michael tries to kiss it away – starting with a press of lips between his brows, a soft one on both of his eyelids, a next one on the tip of his nose that makes Alex chuckle, which Michael swallows into his own mouth, stealing it for himself before anybody else could take it away from them.

When they're both out of breath, with a final kiss for the moment, Michael's forehead presses against Alex's, eyes closed, before he lies on his back again, a shaky breath weighed down with a pinch of sadness escaping from between his lips. Neither of them mention it.

Alex brings Michael's scarred hand up to his mouth and he places a gentle kiss on top, lips lingering a beat too long, his eyes squeezing shut. Michael shudders, he knows what Alex is thinking about and he hates it. He whispers his name with a heavy sigh and it makes Alex look up at him, eyebrows furrowed.

Michael sees the hesitancy in his eyes and he's not sure he wants to hear it, but with a nod he encourages him. Alex glances away as he speaks,"What if it's the same up there as it is here? What if.." Michael presses his tongue to the roof of his mouth as he's waiting for Alex to go on. "What if you're picturing this, perfect place, but," his voice quiets as soon as he looks back and sees Michael's expression, "it's not."

He knows he regrets saying it out loud, to his face, and his frown deepens as Michael clenches his fist that's lying on his stomach. Michael's not stupid, he's thought about that possibility countless of times – he couldn't not have, his past is there - and what hurts him most is that it's probably true. And is there really a place out there like that, the one he's imagining? He knows the chances are extremely low but there's still hope left inside him, which is a wonder, that it is different. He wishes he could grab the acetone from the pocket of his jacket.

Michael inhales sharply, his head towards the sky. "I don't want to think about that." he shakes his head, biting down on his tongue. "I want to believe that it's a place, where, I don't know," he moves his hand, slightly lifting it up in the air, "there's peace and nobody hurts." He rolls his eyes as soon as he says it and he laughs bitterly, "Ugh, I'm a real dumb ass, aren't I." he grunts.

"No," Alex's voice is barely above a whisper, "I love that." He turns his body more to the side, his shoulder pressing into the hard surface of the truck, the blanket under them making it more bearable. Michael looks at him and his racing mind comes to a halt when Alex's hand falls against his chest and his head is fogged with only thoughts of him and them, right now. "I hope you're right." he gives an honest smile, "And if the place does exist, I want to go with you."

Michael smiles back but it's not full – he can't, not when there's still a secret weighing down on his whole body, he can't let himself blindly believe Alex's words when Alex, without knowing, doesn't believe Michael exists. But then he thinks back of 17 year old Alex's face, rich with excitement as he talked about some new alien conspiracies; he remembers that Alex used to believe, maybe believes even now, deep down where his father hasn't ruined him, where he's still clean of his dirt, and Michael is hopeful.

So he kisses him with purpose, pouring his feelings into his mouth, shouting the words in his head he can't say yet and hopes desperately that, as their tongues touch, Alex hears him. Michael brings his hand to Alex's neck and deepens the kiss, both of them breathing through their noses as Alex's hand travels down and up on Michael's body, the wind in the air sneaking under Michael's clothes, making him shiver.

Alex pulls back from the kiss, putting half of his weight on his elbow and just stares down at Michael. Then his face breaks out into a grin, his eyebrows moving once with an animated lift, almost reaching his hairline. He looks from Michael's eyes to his lips and then back, and Michael is so confused about what could be going on in his head, all he can do is stare back at him, the excitement finding its way into his own skin through the touch of their naked hips where their shirts have ridden up.

Then Alex lies down on his back, their shoulders bumping together, his gaze fixed on the sky. Michael's eyes don't leave the side of his face and he feels the corners of his mouth tug up into a grin when Alex bites down on his bottom lip.

Michael sees him take a deep breath and with the exhale, the words are leaving Alex's mouth, loud and clear in the silent night and not once wavering.

"Michael Guerin!!"

"What are you doing?" A shocked gasp slips out of Michael with a laugh that has been bubbling in his throat since Alex grinned at him.

Alex laughs along with his eyes closed and for a moment their chuckle fills the air around them, the ache in Michael's heart now throbbing with simple joy that he doesn't take for granted – but he lets himself get lost in it, at least for one night.

When their laughter dies down with a last giggle from Alex, he turns his head to look at him, his eyes bright and happy and soft, making Michael's breath hitch and he swallows hard, trapping a wild butterfly in his stomach.

Alex places a hand on Michael's cheek, caressing the skin with the pad of his thumb the way he loves it when it's Michael's fingers on his own face. It earns another soft smile and before Alex moves in to press his lips against the pink of Michael's, he holds his gaze and swears, for a split second, he sees the entire galaxy in his eyes. Alex smiles.

"Now they know." He pauses for a beat, lowering his voice like he's telling a secret. "The stars know who you are."

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, hope you liked it!!:) fuck jesse manes am i right! i'm on [tumblr!](http://michalienguerin.tumblr.com)


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